for the first time.

Today was the first time working my job as Cosmetology Instructor that I almost went bat shit crazy on a customer. I have worked at this same school since July 2008, and I consider myself a very patient person, probably the most patient when it comes to idiots in general. But not today.

You see this one teenager who comes in from time to time decided to escort her friend, boyfriend and said friend'd mother to get highlights. You should know that teenager NEVER is happy when her hair is done, if she asks for red hair, she gets red hair and then goes to the bathroom and cries that she asked for green or pink or any other color that she did not end up with after one process. What this means is that by the time we red0 it 3 times she ends up pacified enough to leave but my boss ends up losing money because we use more product than she pays.

Teenager's friend's Mom does not speak one single word of English. I knew this wasn't going to end well. From the beginning I was a part of the whole process because I wasn't having another fiasco where our friend Teenager was concerned.

Teenager's friend tells me that her mother wants highlights. She shows me a picture of a person who has almost an entire head of white blonde hair. I point out a student with a similiar amount of highlights and she says NOOOOOO. So thanks to 2 idiot translators and one million questions I determine that she wants 9.55 highlights but wants to still see brown hair.

Once Mom's hair is rinsed Teenager and friend start picking through her hair like monkeys looking for bugs for dinner. I told them to chill out while I mixed a toner... anybody with basic hair color knowledge knows that you can't pick a color out of a swatch book and put it on hair with existing color on it and have it create a stable result.... you must bleach and tone. So after the hair is toned and I am pretty damn pleased that the result matches the swatch they picked out EXACTLY..... they start going monkey on her her hair again and talking shit about me in Spanish.

Teenager and friend start saying "This is orange!!!??!??"

"Well as you can see by me placing this swatch directly next to the highlights we just toned... THIS IS EXACTLY THE COLOR YOU ASKED FOR."

"Why didn't you tell us that this would look so orange?" (followed by a shit load more spanish)

"Well this color is not in fact orange at all.... the box color that was on her hair before looks much warmer now that there are highlights in it, but that was done at home and not here and I have no control over that."

I tell them next that we can tone out all the "orange" but that will be an extra charge because it was not our fault that they changed their mind after the service was done. I mixed 2 toners making sure every ounce of anything warm was removed. The second toner I only left on for about a minute as it was acting very quickly. When I started to rinse it Teenager asks "UM DON'T YOU THINK YOU NEED TO LEAVE THAT ON LONGER?" After I bore a hole with my lazer vision right through her forehead I told her that toners have no time limit.... then she asks "WHAT IS ALL OF THIS DOING TO HER HAIR?!?! IT SMELLS!!! IS HER HAIR GOING TO FALL OUT???!?" followed by a shit load more spanish.... so much so that my student asks them...

"Oh my gosh are you guys cussing me out in Spanish?"

answer:

"Oh we are not cussing out YOUUU."

to which "MOM" jerks her head in the shampoo bowl and looks directly at me.

Well well well. this is when I decided that I didn't care any more.... the monkeys decided that now her hair was too dark. Yes that happens when you insist on getting out all the warmth.

They came back 2 hours later complaining to our teacher who in fact speaks spanish about my idiocy, how now her highlights are too dark, about how I don't know anything. I told them repeatedly that that I in fact was not in the wrong, and that I do not speak spanish and they should have asked to talk to the other teacher from the beginning if they were not able to properly translate.

What boils my blood more than anything is the nerve to sit and talk trash about me in another language that I do not in fact speak. I am not a hater of hispanic people. I was more than happy to talk to these women in English, the language I learned when I was born here. I am not going to make any effort to help anybody who refuses to help themselves. I know it is not easy, I know many of you have escaped the awful dangerous situation in Mexico. I have seen an actual person crying and desperate because they had a loved one kidnapped and held for ransom in Mexico.,, I saw this person's despair when their family was given only a few days to come up with 100,000 or collect their relative's head. I understand many of you come here to gain freedom and jobs that are unavailable where you were born, I know you feel you have to send your money to starving relatives. But for God's sake.... YOU came to MY country. Be courteous to those of use who were born here and make an effort to LEARN ENGLISH... or get a translator that isn't a 15 year old smart ass. I have tutored many many students from all over the world, it is hard. But they do it because they want to earn a living... they pay taxes. They have families to support and they work long low paying hours in factories and then come to school. We lazy Americans of my own generation could learn a lot from the work ethics of many of these people. I need you all to understand that I am happy with a friendly smile and simple english words such as please, thank you and hello. And in return I will say that if I move to any other country on this planet that does not speak English I promise my first priority is to learn whatever language is that of the land.

I leave you with my favorite blog posting by my bestie who is not in fact a natural american citizen...I think you will find it accurate and fair. (unless she yells at me to take it down):

Basic Manners 101

Alright. I am a fairly nice girl. I do not generally like to cause a scene in public. However, as a recent immigrant to these great United States, I feel like I should say something to my fellow immigrants.

* Remember, we are guests in this country. Living here is our privilege, not our right. Respect the traditions, respect the people, and respect the flag. There is no room for argument on this point.

*Social Assistance Systems exist in this country. If you are a taxpayer, and you are having a difficult time making ends meet, by all means use them to get back on your feet. If you are NOT a taxpayer, you are not entitled to them. They are a courtesy extended to taxpayers by other taxpayers. I don't care if you have 12 children that you can't feed because you foolishly over-bred. That is not my concern, it is yours.

*The language of this country is English. It is a beautiful language. We use it for business, pleasure, and services. What you speak in your own homes, is entirely up to you. I am sure you, also, have a beautiful language. However, when conducting transactions with Americans, it is a common courtesy to do so in the language of this country. Learn this language. Others are not expected to provide you with goods and services in your language. If this occurs, it is a courtesy and not an entitlement.

*It is entirely possible the the rules of operating a motor vehicle are different here than in your home country. Please take a moment to review the differences before getting behind the wheel.

Do not operate said vehicle while under the influence of alcohol. Buy proper insurance for the vehicle. Respect other drivers.

*Do not commit crimes in this country. That makes it difficult for others to come here. If you commit a crime, and are subsequently detained, I assure you it is not because you are being discriminated against. Take a moment, and review the laws of the United States. Ignorance of said laws is a weak excuse.

*America is a country with high standards. You may notice that some things that you are used to doing may not be acceptable here. Please make a note of these and make the appropriate changes.

Welcome to America. She is a proud and strong country, and we are lucky to be here. Let's show Americans that immigrants can make this country stronger. Respect America and her people, and she will most certainly show you that within her arms, most anything is possible.

I know.

The thing about it is this.... Most people blog about what they know, or what annoys them.

So I am going to tell you all what I know.

I spent the last night cruising the Austin TX Hair Salon scene and got very overwhelmed. Of Course I picked the wrong career If I didn't want to be judged on my looks. Like most other women that have 2 kids I would not consider my figure flattering at all. I have quite a time finding shirts that don't scream "hey are you pregnant?". Granted I am at the lowest weight that I have been in 2 years..... But the damage has been done.

I have not contacted anybody yet as it is really to soon to try and nail something down, I just hate the very idea of working in any kind of stepford salon. By that I mean that every stylist looks the same. Some hire Busty Blondes while others there is an arm tattoo pre hiring requirement. I don't consider myself stylish at all in the fashion department and I never have been. I purchase everything I wear at the thrift store. If I like what I looks like than I buy It... But I couldn't tell you if it is the right look for the current scene at the moment. I just want to do hair, I am damn good at it. I wonder if I will be given that chance. And then I shake my head and try to accept the fact that because of the above information I will likely end up at the mother effing mall again.

So on to offering my expert advice... don't ever wear your hair like this....

I am so serious when I tell all of you that this is not a joke. Douchebags think this haircut is hot. When I was living in NY I has to sell my soul to Satan and give people this haircut (and then of course followed by a wax) I always had to warn that tanning was out of the question for 24 hours.

And on to scene hair.... we can thank hailey williams for creating this..... and here is the thing... I can do these haircuts with my eyes closed. A lot of times it looks pretty damn cute.... but the following idiots need to understand when enough is enough. Here are some perfect awful examples:

TOO DAMN BIG AND TOO DAMN DUCKFACE

While I give full marks for matching your weave to your hair color...

going to Sally's and buying 2 slices of 60 inch hair does not do the trick.

HEINOUS.

I sat and looked at this one wondering if it was meant as a joke.

want to see a nice modern classy example.. how any of you with this cut could reclaim your hair integrity???

look below at one I did myself...

Short over directed layers with loads of texture. HOT HOT HOT

Now for another mess of a trend that needs to die...

the "BRO HAWK"

"Hey Bro I like your hair Bro." "Thanks Bro"

If you want a mohawk, grow a pair and have an actual mohawk.

But I will leave you all with a final word of caution....

if you want your hair to look like this:

you should know that if you start combing your hair in that whirlpool same direction you are only a stones throw away from becoming this:

which is a stone's throw to this:

you've been warned.

thank you and goodnight